[HT Forum] Light amusement

[Jonathan Hawkins]

I thought the following might amuse.

Jonathan



Noah in 2007


In the year 2007, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the UK, 
and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, 
and I see the end of all flesh before me.  Build another Ark and save 2 
of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark 
before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard 
- but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a 
building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for 
a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I've violated the 
neighbourhood building regulations by building the Ark in my yard and 
exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal 
Board for a decision .

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the 
future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to 
clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the 
sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local 
trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the 
environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. 
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They 
argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and 
inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the Council ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd 
conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm 
still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on 
how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. 
Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most 
of the people who want to work.
The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire 
only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, the Inland Revenue seized all my assets, claiming 
I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to 
finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow 
stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to 
destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."